Although choosing to leave an abuser can be difficult, actually making the move can be just as hard. Not only do you have to deal with a soon-to-be ex who may not want to let you leave, but packing boxes and loading them onto a moving truck can stir up odd feelings that may cause you to change your mind. Here are a few things you can do to make moving out of an abusive situation easier and safer.
Choose a Day When the Abuser is Not Around
What an abuser fears most is losing control of his or her victim. This is why the most dangerous time for a victim of domestic abuse is the day of and the following week after leaving the situation. The abuser may go to great lengths to reestablish control, including using extreme physical violence.
Therefore, it's essential that you choose to move on a day when the abuser is not around. In addition to minimizing the risk of a physical altercation, you won't have to deal with the person attempting to get you to change your mind or the temptation to give into his or her demands.
Have Someone with You
As noted previously, the physical act of separating yourself from the abuser can bring up some odd feelings. The items you pack may remind you of the good times you had together and you may be tempted by those memories to stay and give the relationship one more try.
It's critical to have someone with you during this time that can help you maintain your resolve and follow through with leaving. Although experts say 60 to 70 percent of men who enroll in a treatment program can change for the better, the vast majority of domestic violence perpetrators never seek help for their abusive ways. This means there is a high probability the abuser in your life will not change at all, despite any promises or thoughts to the contrary.
Additionally, having someone else there while you pack can reduce the risk the abuser will become violent if he or she happens to show up as you're moving out, especially if that person is in law enforcement. Many perpetrators don't want others to know about the abuse and will avoid a physical confrontation if someone else if present.
Contact an Organization
If you're having trouble coming up with the money to pay a professional company to help you move, contact a local domestic violence organization. Some organizations partner with local movers who will relocate domestic violence victims for free if they qualify for the service. This can help you get out faster since you don't have to worry about saving enough money to pay for a truck and helpers.
Go into Stealth Mode
Avoid leaving behind any information or indication about where you've gone. It's also a good idea to destroy your cell phone and get a new one because these devices can be tracked via GPS, and you don't know what types of apps the abuser may have downloaded. You should also shut down your social media accounts to avoid the inevitable digital stalking, at least until you get to a safe place where the abuser can't reach you.
For tips on leaving an abusive situation, contact a domestic violence organization or for assistance and connect with a mover in your area, such as Bell Moving & Storage, to schedule a move-out date.
Share8 September 2015
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